The Final Chapter -- October 6, 2011

This is hard to share, but since we began this journey, I also want to but in the final chapter of her recovery.

I brought her home to Austin yesterday, and she was settled in around 3:00 pm. After everyone left, I took her hand and told her that she is now home. She squeezed my hand ever so lightly, and a smile appeared in the corner of her lips. She knew...

Hospice wasn't able to get pain medication for us until quite late, so she was having pain. About 9:50 the nurse gave her her first dose (.5 cc) of pain medication, but it seemed to not ease the pain a whole lot. At this point, she no longer spoke, but every breath was a groan. I felt so sorry for her, standing helpless by her side, holding her hand. When the nurse left, she said that in a half hour I can give her another does (.5cc), but if the pain still doesn't subside, I have to wait for an hour before giving her more. I gave her some more at 10:25, but she was still in pain. I was almost beside myself knowing I have to wait for another whole hour. Finally at 11:30 I gave her another dose, and that seemed to help some, but about every third or fourth breath was a still a groan. She was turned so that she was facing the ceiling fan/light, and all at once it dawned on me that the light bothered her. I turned on a small reading light, and turned the ceiling light off. That seemed to help some more, but she still was moaning. I finally knelt by her side, took her hand, and prayed that G-d would ease her pain. I kissed her hand, told her good night, and that I love her. She gave me an ever so light squeeze, and she was quiet. I stayed by her side for another 10 or so minutes, and then decided to take a nap.

At 1:30 I woke up and went to check on her, and she was breathing like she had been for several days...short labored breaths. I watched her for a while, and then went back to bed. At 4:30 I again went to check on her, and at that time her breathing was very shallow, with a deep labored breath every so often. I remembered the hospice nurse telling me that this usually happens during the later stages in their sleep. I watched her for a while, and then went back to take another nap. Just a couple minutes before 5:30 I woke up suddenly, and went out to the living room where she was. I had put our hickory rocking chair beside her so I could sit right there. I reached down and took her hand, and held it for a while. All at once I realized that I didn't hear her breathing, so I looked over at her face, and at that moment she took pone deep breath, and life had fled her.

She went very peacefully in her sleep, without as much as a struggle. I sat there in a daze, holding her hand as life fleeted out of her body. Finally after 10 minutes I called hospice and they came out and took care of everything from there.

Karen will never again experience pain. She was a beautiful lady, who inspired many. She would often say "I really enjoy talking to and encouraging people on Facebook." That was the hilite of her day. Many times during day she would call me and share what she had said to someone to encourage them....that was her call in life, even though she didn't feel she impacted that many lives. She loved life, and enjoyed spending time with her grand babies more than anything else.

Her journey and her recovery are now complete.

She will be greatly missed, but someday we will meet again, where we will never have to part again.

I love you Honey, and will miss you tremendously.

October 5, 2011

October 5, 2011 – As I sit here waiting for the ambulance to show up, I thought I would post the latest update.

Monday was a hard day for Karen – tests, test and more tests. She did a bone scan, a head scan and a biopsy, which all totaled was about a 2 ½ hour ordeal. I felt so sorry for her having to go through all those tests. I just wanted to pull her out of those scanning machines, take her home and tell her it’ll all be alright, but such was not the case…

Got interrupted, but it was a good interruption. A great personal friend of ours Emma showed up with breakfast for me, so we sat and chatted as we waited for the ambulance to show up to take Karen home.

Monday evening Karen turned to me and with those pleading eyes asked me to please tell her just how serious her condition was. I couldn't or wouldn't lie, so I told her what all had been found so far on the CT-scan. When they were doing the biopsy they also had to do a scan so they could make sure that the needle went into the right place and that they would be able to get a proper sample. Her liver is just covered with cancer.

I told her what the doc had said about there being cancer all through her abdomen area and in her lungs as well as her breast. Believe me when I say this was the hardest thing I think I have ever done, but she deserved to know. One of the doctors [don’t remember which one] told us that she is full of cancer in her abdominal area.

I stayed with her Monday night as well, and neither of us got any sleep. Monday night was a very miserable night for both of us, but especially for her. She got no sleep, constantly tossing and turning. About 6 am she asked if I would come around to the side she was facing. I was on the opposite side as they had all the equipment on that side. I walked around, and she took my hand, and looked me in the eyes, and said “I’m done fighting. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just want to ‘go home’.” I asked, “Do you mean home to Austin?” to which she replied “No, I want to go home to heaven!”  Of course, I sat in numb silence for a while, choking back the tears. One always thinks they are prepared for this moment, but let me tell you, unless you have been there, there is no preparation! I held her hand for a while, and when I could speak, I asked her if she wants me to tell the children. She replied that no, she wants to tell them.

I called the children right away at their hotel, and asked them to get there as soon as they safely could. When they got there, Karen motioned for them to come over to the bed, and she told them the same thing she told me, and spent time with each one. After she finished, she asked that everything be taken off of her, even the oxygen. I reminded her that she needs the oxygen to breath, so she consented to that.

I asked the nurse to come in and removed all the wires and tubes, and when that was done, she rolled to her side, relaxed, and fell asleep. She had made peace with death, and said her goodbyes. She slept all day, becoming less and less responsive.

While I was waiting for the children to show up, I went out and spoke to the nurse, checking up on her vitals and electrolytes. She told me that the only thing that was really stable was her sodium. Her bilirubin level was at 6.6, which is too high to do any kind of treatment, no matter what kind of cancer it might be. Her white cell count was over 26k, which is extremely high. Also, during the night Sunday they had her on 3 liters of oxygen, but throughout Monday night, they had to up it to 12 liters, and she's still on that amount.

The social workers and doctors were extremely helpful in getting hospice lined up for us and also transportation from Dallas to Austin. We had to pay for the ambulance trip, but hospice is taking care of the hospital bed and oxygen.

This is now Wednesday evening. We had an uneventful trip back to Austin, but once we got to our house, the ambulance driver realized that they didn’t have the right oxygen equipment for us. She needs a 12 liter oxygen machine, and they only had a 5 liter here! So they sat in the driveway for almost two hours so Karen can stay on oxygen while I got on the phone with hospice. They immediately called the equipment company who then brought the right equipment out.

We have brought Karen home and are making her as comfortable as possible in her last days. Hospice is sending a nurse out this evening to help me with care of Karen. I love her so much…just don’t want to see her suffer.

We still haven’t heard any results from the biopsy as to what kind of cancer we are dealing with, but my gut tells me that is was/is pancreatic. I definitely covet and desire your prayers as I take care of my loved one!

October 3, 2011

October 3, 2011 – When I arrived at the hospital yesterday morning I was shocked. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen anyone drop so fast health wise in a 12 hour period as Karen did through the night. It didn’t help any that the night nurse refused to help her turn, refused to help her drink water. When I arrived at 7:30, she couldn’t even speak out loud; only whisper. She was begging for water, and I immediately began swabbing her lips...she wasn’t strong enough to suck on a straw. After about 5 minutes of that, she was able to talk, and she told me what the night nurse had done. Fortunately for the nurse, she was gone, because she and I would have had a come to Jesus meeting L  

There’s probably nothing worse than a health professional sugar coating something or withholding information.

In my last post I mentioned that we had an oncologist come in and say there is no cancer on the pancreas, only to find out yesterday early afternoon that she withheld information. Nothing perturbs me more…tell me the truth, I can deal with it.

We had another oncologist come in and tell us he is not going to sugarcoat anything, but give it to us straight. Did we like what he had to say? Hell no! But he let us know exactly what the pathologist found in the CT-scan. She does have cancer on most of her organs, including the pancreas, and in her lymph nodes surrounding the stomach.

The prognosis is this – after the biopsy we will be able to tell more what cancer we are dealing with, and he gave us several scenarios. If it is lymphoma, it is treatable, but in his mind, only by chemo [we didn’t discuss that further!!]. If it is anything other than lymphoma…well, we’ll just have to wait and see. Her bilirubin levels [What is Bilirubin] aren’t exactly where we want them. Her’s is at a 3.8 and if they reach 4, we can’t do any kind of treatment, no matter what the biopsy says.

This morning was a full and busy morning…bone scan, brain scan and a biopsy. It pretty well took all morning, and Karen was pretty well worn out by the time she was done – but she was very brave and so sweet.

She is still on in ICU and on oxygen and on a heart monitor. Her heart rate is still very high, and she has labored breathing due to fluid in her lung. They took a chest ex-ray on Saturday and then another one yesterday, and it remained the same.

On the positive side, she seems to be more alert at times, and since her sodium level is back to normal, she has some of her strength back. She is able to drink water again by herself from a straw, and pull herself when she wants to turn in the bed.

I spent the night with her last night, and will probably do so tonight again, unless one of the girls stays, which they did volunteer for.

Right now we are simply sitting and awaiting the biopsy reports….and keeping her as comfortable as possible. It's great to have all 3 of our children with us here right now, and a blessing!

We are very grateful for all the prayers and well wishes, as well as the monetary support. May YHWH G-d bless y’all, and may your blessing multiply many times over!

Some good news for a change!!

Some good news for a change!! Oncologist just stopped by our room and said that the results of the CT-scan show that there is no cancer on the pancreas!! Hallelujah!! The cancer is in the liver and right breast, and on the nodes in her abdominal area.

There is fluid on her lungs from the cancer, which is being monitored right now. Yesterday they told us she has a collapsed lung, and now today they’re saying that it has fluid and is compressed!! The oncologist feels the cancer did start in the breast; however we will know more what we are dealing with after the biopsy, which is scheduled for Monday forenoon. After the biopsy we will be able to make a better determination as to what treatment we will be able to administer…

There is also an abscess on her abdominal area and the CT-scan doesn’t determine whether it is attached to the intestines or not, so along with the biopsy on Monday they will be pulling fluid from the abscess as well.

We also have a bone scan scheduled for Monday or Tuesday because of a large red spot on her right hip which has been sore for several weeks.

Miracles do happen, and we are so happy that the ultra sound from August 1 showing masses on the pancreas was wrong. What they saw on the ultra sound was the masses on the liver over shadowing the pancreas, therefore thinking that the masses were on the pancreas as well. So glad we did the CT-scan to make a more accurate prognosis.

We’re not out of the woods yet, but this is definitely a progress in the right direction. We are sending out a lot of positive energy and prayers, and believing for a complete healing.

Keep praying….

September 27, 2011

September 27 – Tuesday, the day we begin the IV’s to stabilize Karen. The trip to Dallas was quite hard on her, and on top of that we immediately began the IV’s. They began with an IV of saline because of dehydration and then following up with an IV of nutrition. We got out of the clinic at about 6:00 pm, and Karen was pretty well worn out. While she was having her IV’s administered I checked us into one of those extended stay type hotels for the week. The hotel is about 5 miles from the clinic.

September 28 – Today we went back in and the administered the same IV’s as the previous day, and also drew blood for blood tests to see where she was at. Karen is resting well.

September 29 – When we arrived this morning the doctor asked me to come with him to another room, and I had this gut feeling that it wasn’t good. He informed me that her electrolytes were very low, especially her sodium. Because of the low level of her sodium, she was in danger of a seizure. The doctor recommended that we either go home to Austin and go to a local hospital or go to the Baylor Regional Medical Center which was close [two blocks] to where the clinic is. In fact, the clinic is located in one of the hospital medical offices.

We opted to go immediately to the hospital as there was no way I was going to subject Karen to the long 3 ½ hour ride back to Austin. Dr. Kotsanis called ahead and made the emergency room doctor aware of our situation and give him the “downlow”. We arrived in the emergency room at about 11:00 am, and they immediately began to administer sodium via IV. Finally at 4:00 pm they had a room available in ICU.

Both girls flew into DFW today, so once they had Karen in ICU and settled in, I went and picked up the girls at their hotel and brought them back to the hospital. They had Karen on so much medication that she was pretty well out of it.

September 30 – This morning the kidney doctor came in and informed us that the low sodium was not due to the cancer, but because of the low sodium intake in her diet. For the past two weeks Karen has hardly eaten…she simply did not have an appetite. The sodium level has to be built up slowly, so by this morning it had only raised one number, which the doctor wasn’t too happy about. They increased her dosage today on the sodium. 

About 9 am the staff doctor came in and wanted to update us on info from the x-rays taken in the emergency room. Karen’s right lung is partially collapsed and there is a concern as to whether the fluid in her stomach is pushing it up, or whether the liver is causing the lung to collapse. Her liver is quite enlarged at this point, and needs to be addressed before we can even do a biopsy, and definitely before any real treatment can begin. They began to administer antibiotics as well to fight off the infection in the liver.

Kevin flew in around noon, so I went to his hotel to pick him up and bring him to the hospital. They did a CT-scan on Karen this forenoon, and we are awaiting the results.

The oncologist came in late afternoon to talk to us about the results of the CT-scan. She informed us that she only had the results of the upper chest and not the abdominal area, but she was concerned as to what she saw. The CT-scan showed a fairly large tumor on her right breast, and she wants to do an ultra sound on the breast itself to get further clarification whether the tumor is malignant.

It’s been quite the day…doctors, nurses, specialists in and out; throwing all kinds of information and recommendations…my head is spinning! I told the oncologist that we will hold off on any biopsy until we have the full report of the CT-scan, so we can make an intelligent decision on which approach to take.

Having all three children here has been a real booster for Karen, and she has been in good spirits all day.

Thanks again for all the support from family, friends and loved ones. We feel your prayers, so please don’t let up. Karen is still not stable….we are primed for a miracle. :-)